Hearing or Hairin'


While killing a little time on Wednesday before AWANA's we walked by our local barber's.  "Perfect, my boys look like little Sasquatches," I said.  "Line up boys."  Well, he actually had a line, so we had to come back which was great, because I wouldn't have wanted to submit any one else to some of the antics they performed-let alone poor Bob.  So after clipping down layer after layer, he finally found a pair of ears on each of them.  It is true, they'd been hiding for a while, especially on my oldest son's hair-we could pert near braid his in the back. (not quite a Billy Ray mullet-I'll give myself parenting credit for not letting it go to that point, but we were close runners up.)  Well, as the mention of 'ear' comes up, my middle son says, "Yah today my ear starting itching at school.  And, well I stuck my finger in and start picking and itching at it.  And a BIG glob of ear wax came out.  It was huge!" (Big grin on his face.) My elbows hit my knees, forehead in palm, and all I could do is look at the floor and shake my head and say, "Oh...my...gosh!  That is disgusting.  We just probably didn't need to know quite all about that."  Of course all my other boys are laughing, and our poor barber is leaning over my oldest son's head, clipping away and just laughing.  Well, naturally as gross as it was I had to ask, "now what exactly did you do with it?"  He says, "Oh, I stuck it back in."  Lifting my forehead from my palm I say, "HUH?  How'd you do that?"  He says, "Just crammed it back in."  Again, shaking my head, "Oh my gosh."  Joking I said, "What'd you do, save it for later?"  He smiled, "Yep."  It all kind of went to a blur then...laughter...the rolling thoughts of where that glob of ear wax ended up.  I think he mentioned something about music?

So this brings me to think.  I wonder if my little boys selective hearing is all caused by the backward cramming of earwax deep rooted in their little heads.  Maybe that's what happens with my husband...just 38 years of ear wax build up that deconditions the ears to hearing along with the lack of neurological response connected with hearing and memory.  There's got to be a connection.  Proven solid by a nine year old. 

Selective hearing at best is like this example at our house.  And on a good day it has a response, most often it's my Snoopy Peanut voice being played over and over to them-apparently.  But if I was to holler.  "Boys are you hearing me!"  I know the response would be...delay...delay...more delay.  "Oh mom you lost an earring.  I'll help you find it."  They're good kids, quite helpful most days.  Hum...compounded ear wax theory?  But suppose I throw in a southern dialectic...appropriately slanged for our barber shop experience.  "Boys ar'ya hairin' me there?  I'm fixin' dinner, yu'ngry?"  The response would be....delay...delay.....(longer pause due to southern drawl and slow dialogue accounted for-I grew up in Texas I can say that)...delay.  "There's a hair in our dinner?  I'm not eating it."  Yep...that does it-just killed the whole dinner experience without even getting started. 

I am happy though. I'm quite certain my son's ear wax didn't get stuck to some poor unsuspecting other child in his class, maybe just some random piece of music equipment.  Yeah, I'm not sure that's better, but some things left unknown are just best, especially when it comes to ear wax.  I just hope we didn't traumatize our barber too much, and he'll let us back in for a 'shave and a hair cut-two bits'.

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© 2018 by Jean Petersen

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